Wednesday, October 2, 2013

SOULS AROUND THE WORLD ~~~~~~~~~~Blog Hop -~~~~~~~~~~~~~ October Bash


 
 


 

 


Souls Around the World Blog Hop 


Inhale two, three, four, five. Hold two, three. Exhale, two, three, four, five... crap there it is again.


I know I heard something, I know I did. How many pills did I take? I had not had a panic attack in months. Is it real? Is it me? 
Do I move? Do I go downstairs? OK. Relax deep breath in, long breath out. Deep in... 
She repeated the breathing technique her therapist had taught her a few times, her heart rate began to feel right, it had a steady flow again and her palms stopped sweating. 
She sat up in her bed. Her hands reached in the darkness for the lamp on the side table. It seemed her arm had to reach a little further than usual. The lump in her throat, the sweaty palms, the heart thumping as if it was about to jump out of her chest all invaded her simultaneously. 
Her hand shook violently as she finally reached the lamp and her fingers grasped the knob. Her wet sweaty hands finally managed to turn the knob, the bright light flooded the room. 
She sat still as she studied every shadow in the room. Like a diver she took a deep breath and plunged down on the floor to look under the bed, her eyes were shut tight, she exhaled and opened her eyes. There was nothing scary, not even a dust bunny.
“I am safe. I am safe and secure. A great future awaits me beyond my fears. I am safe and secure.” 
Her therapist had trained her to use affirmations aloud. She almost felt safe. 
“I am safe. I am safe and secure. A great future awaits me beyond my fears. I am safe and secure.” 
She picked up her cell phone, stared at it and smiled. 
‘I should have reached for the phone before I reached for the lamp.’ 
Her therapist was third on her speed dial; her father was first and her mother second.  The sleepy voice sounded slow but aware. 
“Clair it is three a.m.” 
She was embarrassed but the simple sound of Dr. Lucidity’s voice instilled a level of calmness that no pill could match. 
“I know. I’m sorry, feel free to charge extra for this phone session.” 
“It’s not that Clair, it is that you had not called me like this in several months. What happened?” 
She cleared her throat to buy time before she answered. 
“I am not sure if it was a sound or a feeling that woke me up. I tried my breathing exercises, I tried, but…” 
The soothing voice on the phone interrupted her, acknowledging how hard it was for Clair to explain. 
“Is your room light on now?” 
“Yes” 
“Did you look under the bed?” 
“Yes.” 
“Have you left the room?” 
“No.” 
“OK. If it was a sound, anything, something that goes bump in the night that we cannot identify generally causes fear. A night fright. So perhaps we do not need to explore what triggered it. Do you want to hold the phone and talk to me as you check the other rooms?” 
Clair had to think she knew there was a perfect explanation for the trigger, she had to decide whether she was ready to tell Doc L or not. 
“I think I know what triggered this.” 
The silence was the space Dr. Lucidity always granted her. This time however she needed more than space.
“Clair?” 
“Yes?” 
“What triggered it?” 
“I was at a bridal shower for a colleague. For fun someone hired a psychic. I avoided her but we went to the buffet table at the same. She was friendly and asked why I hadn’t gotten a reading and before I could answer she said ‘they are trying to contact you, but won’t if you are afraid, there is nothing to be afraid of’. I took pills, you know the new ones to relax, and I slept for a few hours. I’m not sure if the sound that woke me up was outside or inside of me.” 
“Oh crap!” 
“I know right? Oh Crap.” 
“Did any of your friends there know that you experienced visits before?” 
“No, no way. It was my group of lawyers I can’t afford to look like a loony.” 
Silence again. 
“When the psychic said what she said, were you afraid?” 
“No, I wasn’t.” 
“What did you feel?” 
Clair sighed. She cleared her throat and said, 
“It felt true.” 
Years of therapy flashed in her mind. Years of trying to deny what she saw and what she felt when she was not medicated. Years of living in fear. 
“It felt true.” She repeated as loud and clear as the affirmations she had been trying to use for years. 
The stinging pain in her back was warm and sudden. Her last breath was an exhale. For once the sound and the fear had been real. Realization of the irony was the last thought Clair had before everything went dark. 
When something Goes bump in the night perhaps it should cause a fright.

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