In Chasing Xander, Alexander “Xander” Collins has a reputation for partying, having a different woman in his bed every night, swearing, and just living life to the fullest. He has no brain-to-mouth-filter and always says whatever pops into his head without thinking. Until he met Kylie, he’d never had issues with what he says—people would just laugh or he’d end up getting the girl—but Kylie completely throws him off his game, and as a result, he comes up with quite a few… interesting phrases and cheesy pick-up lines that I’ve affectionally dubbed Xander-isms. The banter that resulted was so much fun to write! So, here are my top 5 favorite Xander-isms:
1. In Chapter One, Kylie is moving into her dorm. She drops a box full of her unmentionables—panties, tampons, etc. If that isn’t embarrassing enough, Xander stops to help her pick things up. Naturally, he has more than a few things to say to her, mostly commenting on her underwear choices, but this line was my absolute favorite:
Mouth open, he paused for a beat, then laughed. “Y’know, this is the fastest I’ve ever gotten into a girl’s panties.” He twirled her red thong, grinning.
2. At first, Kylie doesn’t make it easy on Xander, not believing he’s truly interested in her, a mere freshman, when he’s a junior and super popular around campus. Of course, Xander isn’t easily swayed, and he’ll do and say just about anything to convince her he’s not a bad guy.
Standing, Xander leaned down so his mouth was near Kylie’s ear, and he whispered, “I can massage your leg if you want, get rid of the pain. I’m very good with my hands.”
3. Because of her father’s alcoholism, Kylie isn’t a drinker, but she allows herself one night to let loose and have fun with Xander. He, of course, feels the need to show off his impressive drinking knowledge.
“No.” He held her gaze for a moment, and she sucked in a breath. “How about a blow job?” His expression was unflinching.
“What?” Her eyes widened, and she pulled back slightly. “Did you just ask me to give you a blow job?”
“What? No.” He shook his head adamantly, seemingly as shocked as she was. Then he laughed. “It’s a drink that tastes a little like chocolate milk. But hey, if you’re game for an actual blow job, I’m not gonna say no.”
She laughed nervously. “I’m sure you wouldn’t.”
“I’m also partial to Slippery Nipples and Redheaded Sluts, preferably together.”
Her jaw hung open. “Please tell me those are drinks, too.”
He flung his head back and laughed. “Yes, they’re all drinks. I don’t know who comes up with the names, but there are a lot of dirty-sounding drinks out there.”
“Really? Like what?”
“Blue Balls. Anus Burner. The Leg Spreader. Liquid
Viagra. Suck, Bang, and Blow. Mountain Dew Me.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.
“Angel’s Tit. Sex on My Face. Adios Motherfucker. Cock Sucking Cowboy…”
4. Of course, Kylie can’t resist calling him out on how he behaves, and some of the things that come out of her mouth shock him and make him laugh.
“My God.” She laughed. “You’re a certified pervert, aren’t you?”
“I prefer sexually charming.”
“Of course you do.” She rolled her eyes, but he saw the smile she tried to hide from him. “Let me guess. You probably have some macho name for your junk, too.”
“Yeah, you know…” Her gaze darted to his crotch, then back up to his face, her eyes wide. “Your junk.”
5. Eventually, all their banter and teasing and calling each other out leads to both of them giving in to what they really want—each other!
She shrugged. “I’m starting to think you’re all talk and no action.” She smirked.
He lifted a brow, shock twisting his expression. Damn! He hadn’t expected that. “You want some action?” He set the bowl on the floor, then turned her so her back was against the door. “I’ll give you some action.” He put his hands on her waist and stepped closer. “And you can bet your ass I’m going to kiss you.”
“Could you not use my ass as a wager?” She eased her arms around his neck, lacing her fingers behind his head and arching against him. “I kinda like my ass and would like to keep it.”
“I like your ass, too. A lot.” He slid his hands around to her back. He’d been waiting all fucking night for this moment. He licked his lips and leaned closer.
Well, there you have it—a small taste of Xander and Kylie and how they push each other’s buttons, say stupid things, and have fun. What’s the funniest / cheesiest / most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said to you? Or that you’ve said to someone else? Share it in the comments!
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