- Why did you release
"The Egg?"
Because I write for the money, not the fans. I don't give a
shit about the fans or any of the people who read. In fact, I hate them.
(Editor’s Note: Not sure what Becker is talking about, considering
his last two stories were released for free. The Egg is also free. This
statement is also confusing considering he personally thanks every person who
follows him on Instagram.)
- As it pertains to the
economy what is your position on allowing dogs the right to use public
bathrooms?
Well, it depends on a lot. You have to ask yourself a lot of
different questions, like is that dog required because of a disability? Then
what tasks does it perform? If you say in response, "it comforts me,"
then the owners of the bathroom have every right to say that’s an ESA, not a
service dog, please leave. I also think if the dog isn't well behaved, then the
police have every right to ask you to leave. But if the dog is being polite and
has a job and a tie, the cops won't say anything to you. I can confirm.
- How do you like to
make ramen and how important is the authenticity of the broth to you?
The authenticity of the broth is highly important to me. I've
recently come under some heavy fire for my consumption of raw ramen packets and
appropriation of culture, but when I decide to cook it, adding some soy sauce,
chili powder, and sesame sauce all help to make ramen that feels much less
cheap.
- How many gallons of
milk do you drink a day?
I usually have a glass of milk with every meal, so that's
nine right there, plus my snacks, which brings it up to 13. 13 cups a day. I
have never had a problem with osteoporosis.
- Do you prefer your
fats saturated or non-saturated?
Trans, obviously.
- Do the literary works
of Robert Frost impact your sex life in any negative way?
Constantly. I have problems, uh, getting it up because of how
often I get lost in thought about him. Here is an excerpt from something I wrote
in my senior year of high school for my English class. I would like to say that
I made a 94 on this. This was edited for content, it was originally very
offensive:
Many people think
that “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost is an ambiguous poem about not always
following the mainstream choice, or that it was some joke conjured by Mr.
Frost, but they couldn’t be further from the truth. “The Road Not Taken” is
very clearly written because Robert Frost was a devout worshipper of Satan.
Robert opens his poem by immediately making a metaphor about
life, heaven, and Satan’s realm by writing, “Two roads diverged in a yellow
wood” It is glaringly obvious that the “yellow wood” is symbolic of life being
a jungle, and seeing as tree leaves often turn yellow in Autumn, it can be
inferred that the protagonist is in the Autumn of his life. In the same respect
that Autumn is close to the end of the year, the yellow wood is close to the
end of the protagonist’s life. Often, when a person is faced with the concept
of their morality, anxiety about the reality of the afterlife becomes extremely
prominent, usually morphing into paralyzing fears, especially in those who have
lived lives that are not the most “pure.” It can be assumed that Robert Frost’s
fame allowed him to make some questionable choices involving drugs and prostitutes
which ended up haunting him, so he vented his frustrations about his sins into
his poetry, ending up with a hypothetical poem about his death and choosing
between two paths, the first of which was asking forgiveness, the second of
which was rejecting God in favor of Satan. Not wanting to let down his
followers, Robert Frost understood that if he were to die, letting go of Satan
would leave his followers to believe that Frost was a poser, a sellout, or not
TRV KVLT. The first line is the classic comparison of the “Highway To Hell” and
the “Stairway To Heaven.” Most reasonable people would choose to scramble up
the Stairway, but not Frost, who believed that Satan was a much more reliable
path, unlike most writers of his time.
However, the second line, “and sorry
I could not travel both” shows that Frost was beginning to have some doubts
about his savior. No matter how confident the protagonist/ Frost was about his
religion, he wished that he could experience both paths, just to find out which
was the right one. By the beginning of the second stanza with the line, “Then
took the other, as just as fair” he rejects any idea of consideration, making
an impulsive choice as death approaches him. From there, the poem turns back on
itself in its own metaphor, with the protagonist realizing that neither path is
less traveled. It can be implied that Frost was predicting the future, as a
hundred years after the poem was written, atheism would become infinitely more
prominent, suggesting that neither God nor Satan would be the correct path and
that he would be wrong after all. Despite his religious peers, Robert realized
that both choices were equally unfavorable and that a third path must be made:
Atheism.
It is a common belief that Atheists
are more depressed than those with any sense of religion, and Frost reflects on
that with the 16th line, “I shall be
telling this with a sigh.” As the realization that the protagonist’s beliefs
are bogus hits, depression about the futility of existence shortly follows.
Robert breaks the fourth wall here, suggesting that he would eventually have to
tell his believers that Satan isn’t real and that death leads to a black,
endless void. There is no point in being a good person if there is no God and
no afterlife, so why do anything at all? Why do anything outside of falling
into a ball of self-pity? The line suggests that the story shall be retold with
a sigh because the realization is so depressing that it is crippling. The only
point to life, Frost implies, is to mate and continue the human race with the
purest genes possible. The final two lines, “I took the one less traveled
by,/And that has made all the difference” suggest that Robert will use this
knowledge to better the human genome. It has been found that Atheism can
correlate with depression, and depression can lead to nihilism. It could be
speculated that with this logic, Robert Frost developed a new level of apathy
and disregard for the human race. All in all, it is glaringly obvious that
Robert Frost displayed a powerful ode to Satanism and Atheism.
- What's your favorite
tv show and why is it Golden Girls?
It’s Gilmore’s Girls. Whoever wrote this question is an
idiot.
- What's your favorite
brand of chewing gum and how has it affected your life?
The little gumball things that come in the green or blue
containers. I can’t remember the name of them, but they’re much better than the
little strips of gum that are wrapped in that whacky alien foil stuff. I love
eating gum and drinking water after.
- Would you rather be an
enigma that everyone knows or a fraud that no one has heard of?
An enigma everyone knows, like David Blaine or Michael
Jackson’s Ghost.
- Is there a societal
stigma you have faced from not knowing how to read?
As a writer, I get asked a lot of questions about how I do my
stuff. I gain the ability to read after I eat large amounts of frozen chicken
parmesan without microwaving it. I gained a lot of weight before doing this
interview.
- As a young author what
are some of the challenges you face?
I don’t get them as much now that I’m older, but no one took
me seriously. I suppose that might’ve been because I was terrible at writing.
Some people say I am still terrible at writing.
- If you could ride a
deer, would you?
Yes, but I would prefer an ostrich or an army of toddlers
carrying a throne, kind of like that one scene from 300. Someone with more time
than me should google it.
- What book is your favorite?
My favorite released novel is Grey Skies. My favorite short
story is Seventh Circle, followed by the Egg.
- What is your opinion
on invasive species in the Mississippi river?
In the 1970s, Asian Carp started getting imported into the
United States as a food fish. They’re really known for their ability to jump up
to ten feet in the air when they are scared. Anyways, they’re considered an
invasive species and I love them.
- Would you describe
yourself as there forever or gone for good?
There forever but soon to be gone for good.
- Do you have a favorite
blanket?
Yes, his name is Ishmael.
